Raising Socially Conscious Children
by Wai Sallas
My son was just about two when we entered the convenience store. He has always been a child with an outgoing personality, comfortable talking with (or yelling at) anyone in his general vicinity. As we waited in line to pay for our items, a black man walked into the store. My son immediately started yelling “[B]ad man! Bad man!”
I was embarrassed, unsure of what I should do as a parent. So I did the only thing I could think of; I quieted my child and got out of that store as quickly as I could.
When we got home we talked about why he expressed that emotion. He asked me about brown skin. He asked why my skin was different than his mom’s. Why his grandpa’s skin was darker than mine. I was completely blindsided to learn he had a lot of questions about black men. I tried to associate the different shades of our skins with the universal love we share for him, and our different cultures that we are connected to. That simple discussion, according to sociologists Debra Van Ausdale and Joe Feagin, can help to establish a mentality of socially conscious children rather than shaping views of racial and social exclusion.
As we witness protests around our country in response to the killing of George Floyd by a white police officer in Minnesota, as the protests hit close to home--in our neighborhoods and affect our community, it is imperative we all find a way to discuss the matters of race with our children to help them gain a better understanding of the social and racial inequalities that persist in our country and around the world.
Most of us were raised to believe that teaching our children to be color blind is the best way to raise them. That by blending color and teaching kids we are all the same, we were helping break down those barriers that separate us. The truth of the matter is, the opposite is true. Indeed, as author Doyin Richard explains, teaching kids the concept of “I don’t see color,” is “dumb and dangerous.”
“By doing the whole, 'We're the same,' thing, you're dismissing what a black kid or any person of color deals with.”
Instead we should “[t]each kids to be conscious of race," said Richards. "Teach them to be like, 'This black kid or this Mexican kid has had a different life... and that's what makes it great. I see their differences and I embrace those differences and want to learn to be a better and more productive citizen going forward.”
Avoiding difficult discussions on race is just as dangerous.
“Not talking about race causes children to come to a lot of harmful, problematic and factually inaccurate conclusions,” said sociologist Dr. Margaret Hagerman, author of White Kids Growing up with Privilege in a Racially Divided America.
In the same way, we choose to inform our children that stoves are hot, or the proper way to go down stairs, filling in the information gaps on race helps prevent racial biases and avoids children forming naive or wrong conclusions.
And it is never too early to start. Recent studies out of the University of Toronto indicate racial bias may arise in babies as young as six to nine months of age. It only progresses from there. Between the ages of 3 and 5, children begin to apply stereotypes, categorize people by race, and express racial bias (Winkler, 2009). White North American children begin to report negative explicit attitudes toward people of color as early as age 3 (Baron, 2006). By age 3, children also use racist language intentionally — and use it to create social hierarchies, evoke emotional reactions in people of color, and produce harmful results (Van Ausdale, 2001). By 6 years of age, children demonstrate a pro-white/anti-Black bias (Baron, 2006). Adolescents, when looking at Black people’s faces, show higher levels of activity in the area of the brain known for its fight-flight reactions (Telzer, 2013)
So What Can We Do?
The simplest but sometimes hardest way to raise socially conscious children is to surround yourself with a diverse group of friends. Children learn the most through their own environment and exposure--and role modeling. If you are able to teach through your actions, that is far more likely to take hold in your child’s development than anything you tell your children.
If you are unable to create that environment, there are boundless opportunities in your daily life. From art, music and movies, to food, books and everyday life. Every day leads to new opportunities to teach and raise consciousness.
In these instances, focusing on what makes someone unique and special can go a long way into creating a positive viewpoint of “otherness” for your child. From physical appearances to language to disabilities and to different cultures, use any opportunity to show how our differences are amazing and beautiful.
As difficult or uncomfortable as talking about race may seem, the alternative is worse. We all must educate ourselves, communicate with our children and lead by our actions to create the harmony and balance we all wish the world to become.
At Wild Child Gym inclusion is part of our Ethos and our staff not only celebrates but represents this diversity. Our goal is to create a socially and environmentally conscious space for families. We recognize how important this is, especially in today’s climate.
That moment in the convenience store taught me a surprising and uncomfortable lesson that coming from a diverse racial and ethnic background, and starting a diverse family of my own, was not enough to impart these important values on my children. We all can do more to raise socially conscious children. No matter your background or circumstance, we all have that responsibility. Only then, can we hopefully avoid the next George Floyd.
Here are some children’s books to spark conversations and celebrate diversity:
Strictly No Elephants by Lisa Mantchev
Let’s Talk about Race by Julius Lester
I Like Myself by Karen Beaumont